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 Toxic personalities

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emphryio



Posts : 71
Join date : 2009-05-11

PostSubject: Toxic personalities   Wed 27 May 2009, 12:58 pm

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/life/8-toxic-personalities-to-avoid-461078/


Although we like to think that the people in our lives are well-adjusted, happy, healthy minded individuals, we sometimes realize that it just isn't so. Personally, I've had moments where I'll be skipping through my day, happy as can be, thinking life is grand and BAM, I'll be blindsided by someone who manages to knock the happy wind out of my sails. Sometimes it is easy to write it off and other times, not so much.

Maybe you are a positive person, but when you are around a certain individual, you feel negative. Or, maybe you have an idealistic view of the world and when you are with certain people, you are made to feel silly, unrealistic or delusional. Or, maybe you pride yourself in being completely independent and in control of your life, but when you are around a certain family member, you regress into a state of childhood.

Some of these situations, and yes, these people, can have a tremendously negative impact on our lives. And, although we are all human and have our 'issues,' some 'issues' are quite frankly, toxic. They are toxic to our happiness. They are toxic to our mental outlook. They are toxic to our self-esteem. And they are toxic to our lives. They can suck the life out of us and even shorten our lifespan.

Here are the worst of the toxic personalities out there and how to spot them:

1. Manipulative Mary: These individuals are experts at manipulation tactics. Is a matter of fact, you may not even realize you have been manipulated until it is too late. These individuals figure out what your 'buttons' are, and push them to get what they want.

Why they are toxic: These people have a way of eating away at your belief system and self-esteem. They find ways to make you do things that you don't necessarily want to do and before you know it, you lose your sense of identity, your personal priorities and your ability to see the reality of the situation. The world all of a sudden becomes centered around their needs and their priorities.

2. Narcissistic Nancy: These people have an extreme sense of self-importance and believe that the world revolves around them. They are often not as sly as the Manipulative Marys of the world, but instead, tend to be a bit overt about getting their needs met. You often want to say to them "It isn't always about you."

Why they are toxic: They are solely focused on their needs, leaving your needs in the dust. You are left disappointed and unfulfilled. Further, they zap your energy by getting you to focus so much on them, that you have nothing left for yourself.

3. Debbie Downers: These people can't appreciate the positive in life. If you tell them that it is a beautiful day, they will tell you about the impending dreary forecast. If you tell them you aced a mid-term, they'll tell you about how difficult the final is going to be.

Why they are toxic: They take the joy out of everything. Your rosy outlook on life continues to get squashed with negativity. Before you know it, their negativity consumes you and you start looking at things with gray colored glasses yourself.

4. Judgmental Jims: When you see things as cute and quirky, they see things as strange and unattractive. If you find people's unique perspectives refreshing, they find them 'wrong'. If you like someone's eclectic taste, they find it 'disturbing' or 'bad'.

Why they are toxic: Judgmental people are much like Debbie Downers. In a world where freedom rings, judgment is sooo over. If the world was a homogeneous place, life would be pretty boring. Spending a lot of time with these types can inadvertently convert you into a judgmental person as well.

5. Dream Killing Keiths: Every time you have an idea, these people tell you why you can't do it. As you achieve, they try to pull you down. As you dream, they are the first to tell you it is impossible.

Why they are toxic: These people are stuck in what is instead of what could be. Further, these individuals eat away at your self-esteem and your belief in yourself. Progress and change can only occur from doing new things and innovating, dreaming the impossible and reaching for the stars.

6. Insincere Illissas: You never quite feel that these people are being sincere. You tell a funny story, they give you a polite laugh. You feel depressed and sad and they give you a 'there, there' type response. You tell them you are excited about something and you get a very ho-hum response.

Why they are toxic: People who aren't sincere or genuine build relationships on superficial criteria. This breeds shallow, meaningless relationships. When you are really in need of a friend, they won't be there. When you really need constructive criticism, they would rather tell you that you are great the way you are. When you need support, they would rather see you fail or make a fool of yourself.

7. Disrespectful Dannys: These people will say or do things at the most inappropriate times and in the most inappropriate ways. In essence, they are more subtle, grown up bullies. Maybe this person is a friend who you confided in and uses your secret against you. Maybe it is a family member who puts their busy-body nose into your affairs when it is none of their business. Or maybe, it is a colleague who says demeaning things to you.

Why they are toxic: These people have no sense of boundaries and don't respect your feelings or, for that matter, your privacy. These people will cause you to feel frustrated and disrespected.

8. Never Enough Nellies: You can never give enough to these people to make them happy. They take you for granted and have unrealistic expectations of you. They find ways to continually fault you and never take responsibility for anything themselves.

Why they are toxic: You will spend so much time trying to please them, that you will end up losing yourself in the process. They will require all of your time and energy, leaving you worn out and your own needs sacrificed.
All of these personalities have several things in common. 1) the more these people get away with their behavior, the more they will continue. 2) Unfortunately, most of these people don't see that what they do is wrong and as a result, talking to them about it will fall on deaf ears, leaving you wondering if you are the crazy one. 3) Most of these people get worse with age, making their impact on you stronger with time.

Frankly, life is too short to spend your time dealing with toxicity. If you can, avoid spending mucho time with people who are indicative of these behaviors and you'll feel a lot happier. Have you encountered these personalities? What have you done? Any personalities you would add?


This article made me want to puke. It seems basically a justification for people to dump friendships with anyone at all who's doing anything at all they disagree with.

Although we like to think that the people in our lives are well-adjusted, happy, healthy minded individuals, we sometimes realize that it just isn't so. Personally, I've had moments where I'll be skipping through my day, happy as can be, thinking life is grand and BAM, I'll be blindsided by someone who manages to knock the happy wind out of my sails. Sometimes it is easy to write it off and other times, not so much.

Err, why do we like to think we're all happy and well-adjusted? We live in a capitalist society. The TV/car culture. Is it even a good thing to be happy and well adjusted in such a society? I don't remotely like to pretend we're all happy and well adjusted. Why would you want to just write someone off who knocks the "happy" out of your sails? Maybe they've got a point and instead of skipping through this life ignoring all the suffering and isolation around us we ought to pay attention to it and try to do something about it?

Maybe you are a positive person, but when you are around a certain individual, you feel negative. Or, maybe you have an idealistic view of the world and when you are with certain people, you are made to feel silly, unrealistic or delusional. Or, maybe you pride yourself in being completely independent and in control of your life, but when you are around a certain family member, you regress into a state of childhood.

In other words, sometimes you're around someone you don't completely agree with. Sometimes you're around someone you're not identical to. I guess in such a situation you've got two roads you can take:

1. View an alternative opinion (on whatever) as a chance for a stimulating conversation and a chance to change your mind about something and grow as a human being.

2. You can try to find a way to negatively judge the person, such as this article does, to label such a person as toxic so that you can feel justified in having nothing further to do with them.

So if you want to focus solely on happy things and someone else isn't doing the same to quite the same extent?
Dump that friend for being a Toxic Debbie Downer.

Someone's making you feel a bit guilty, that perhaps something you've done wasn't really such a nice thing to do? Hmm, sounds like a Toxic Judgemental Jim to me. (And ignore how utterly judgemental you're being in return to come to such a conclusion.)

Someone isn't focusing as much as you want them to on you? Why that's a Toxic Narcissitic Nancy.

Someone tries to be practical and discuss road blocks you need to deal with in order to reach your dreams? Why that's a Toxic Dream Killing Keith.

Frankly, life is too short to spend your time dealing with toxicity. If you can, avoid spending mucho time with people who are indicative of these behaviors and you'll feel a lot happier.

Yes, life's too short to waste on anyone who conflicts with you being happy right this instant. Any such person who does is "toxic." And no doubt, if you ignore all negative things, all disagreements, you'll be happier. You might die a lot younger from the resulting stupidity. And until then you probably won't be a very interesting person to have anything to do with. But you will probably be happier.

(...although I suppose I agree about the "Insincere Illisas".)

Sorry, just the idea in general of making a large list of types of people that should be dismissed as toxic disgusts me. I don't believe in having that sort of attitude about people. I believe the concept of being openminded applies first and foremost to how we view other people as opposed to just being open minded about politics, philosophical concepts, etc. I think that any two openminded people, no matter they have very different opinions on a range of issues should be able to get along very well. This article ends by saying that all these personality types are closeminded though and on that basis we should avoid them. It is true that some people most certainly are closeminded and there are some people in my life I've given up on. The article though seems to be encouraging people to dismiss others in such a fashion way too quickly.

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krisdove



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Join date : 2009-05-14

PostSubject: Re: Toxic personalities   Fri 29 May 2009, 4:57 pm

Indeed. Nobody's perfect and we all of us have our own less attractive attributes, and just have plain old bad days! I know I have days where I can be a "Debbie Downer" but i'd like to think my friends wouldn't dump me over it!
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emphryio



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PostSubject: Re: Toxic personalities   Wed 03 Jun 2009, 1:15 pm

...I think it's one of the essential issues/problems for mankind... that of not being very good judges of character. So we assume very ugly things of one another and then treat them either with indifference or hate. This article seems to be trying to urge people forward in that direction...

We do have to judge people constantly as this is a dangerous world full of violence, dishonesty, etc. And in judging people we can't live the idea of innocent till proven guilty very well because it would mean constantly letting people in whom might hurt us. So every unknown entity is viewed with suspicion and is given indifference. Every person is a potential danger and we err towards assuming the worst.

Some people are such bad judges of character that they default to assuming the worst based on the person's race.

Some people assume that most others are lazy and selfish and the only possible basis for society is material rewards and a whip at your back to keep you working.
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